This Varna, or BAPHA as it is comically spelled (no less amusing than Batman, Turkey. Or Centre of the World, Ohio, for that matter), is a small town in the North-East of Bulgaria, scant few scores of kilometers from the Romanian border (Here there be Tygers). BAPHA, however, is no wild, scavenger-ridden wasteland, as is so much of its neighbor to the North. No, friends, BAPHA is practically paradise. The city itself is relaxing, yet not boring by any means. The seaside is full of clubs and restaurants. The architecture in the city center is old and grand. There are many parks, churches, mosques, and monuments to feast your eyes upon (as well as some old Roman Ruins and Monestaries nearby). Cobblestone roads and wide open promenades about, only a respectable walk (or short Taxi ride) from huge shopping malls and supermarkets.
The city is only half the draw, however. Just 8 km (around 4 miles) north of our Varna lies St. Konstantin, a sleepy little resort area, full of boutique hotels, rich British people, and kilometers of undeveloped beach. Perfect for relaxing, or burying your friends in the sand (better leave the head out though, eh?). Paths weave down from the highway all the way to the sea, crisscrossing through this silent, shady hideaway.
However, just another 8 km north (that's 4 miles yet again, Americans!) sits GOLDEN SANDS, whose majesty can barely be expressed in the capital letters with which I have emblazoned its good name. This is a Beach Resort that simply blows away any resort that I have ever seen. Miami? Heh. Varna taught Miami how to swim. Ft. Lauderdale? Right. Varna gave Ft. Lauderdale its first shot of whiskey. The Greek Islands? Not a chance. Varna simultaneously pleasured Greece's mother, put its father into a headlock, and taught it how to roll a cigarette with one hand. (At least Varna said it was a cigarette).
We're talking massive 5 star hotels, clubs on the water, water parks, tiki bars, water sports, casinos. BAPHA's got it all. You know those movies where there's a huge party on the beach, and everyone's laughing and drinking beer and having fun? Well, I assume that's not Varna. But Varna is still cool. And cheap!
See, Bulgaria is a really poor country where all the extra money gets poured into entertainment. Yeah, communism fed them, but they've got decades of disco dancing and skimpy clothes to make up for. Of course, if they tried to charge five dollars for a martini, they wouldn't sell any martinis, would they? So... They charge one dollar. (They still don't sell very many. You could eat a full meal for that much). Of course, the beach resort is more expensive than that, but for the price of a dinner and a drink at TGI Fridays, you could eat a feast, and drink all night long. But, why am I telling you all of this? Am I just spouting on, yet again, about all the fun I'm going to have this summer? Well, yes.
Privet, Komrades,
AAPOH
