Monday, September 26, 2005

Episode IV - The Anatolian Menace

Everything is ok here in Istanbul. We're still adjusting to this crazy place. Oh, how I miss the Cestina. Merhaba and Tesekkuler don't sound nearly as nice as Dobry Den and Dickweed (er... Dequi).

Istanbul is... alright. So far, I haven't been many places that aren't totally, insanely, disgustingly crowded. Of course, I don't go out much. I don't really know how to, for one thing. The public transportation system here is a joke compared to Prague. I have no idea how to get anywhere, or even where I'd want to get for that matter. Unless you know exactly where you are going, every street looks more or less the same. Lots of cafes and random little shops stocking everything from pantyhose to screwdrivers.

And the supermarkets are terrible. I mean, they're really nice inside and everything, it's just that if you can eat like a Turk, a meal would cost about a dollar. However, I don't know how to eat like a Turk, so we spend way too much on groceries. It's like 8 bucks for a nice box of Museli, and the yogurt here - great for cooking, horrible for eating plain. You want Western food (canned vegetables, frozen pizzas, basically anything besides yogurt and fresh vegetables)? Expect to pay 4 times the price. You want Turkish food? You're getting change for a quarter. Oh, and one of the most remarkable things about that--cherry juice! It's everywhere! Liters of cherry juice for a dollar! Cherry tea! Cherry-freakin-everything! Imaging drinking Cherry pie filling... I can make that happen.

Also, one of the really nice things about Prague was that you could take off in any direction and just kind of pub crawl for an evening, for like 5 bucks. Here, 5 bucks MIGHT buy you 2 beers, depending where you go. All alcohol is heavily taxed, regulated, and often wrapped up in paper sacks to hide it from Allah's eyes. So, I don't go out many nights...

Now, the good. Fortunately, Istanbul has rampant piracy! You can get any DVD, CD, or game here for between 2 and 5 dollars, and you only have to walk through a seedy little alley! Cheap entertainment! The tea here is really good, and the culture around it is refreshing. Sitting outside and drinking tea is less good than sitting outside and drinking Pilsner Urquell, but probably quite a bit better for me. In fact, my entire lifestyle is probably a lot more healthy. I tried the nargile (hookah pipe), and didn't really like it, so even that anticipated vice is nonexistant.

Also, the people here are incredible. Really, really nice. Genuine, warm, and uniformly capitalist. Yes, capitalist. It's weird, but they have managed to make buying and selling goods a surprisingly bonding-type experience. Of course, Em and I have very, very little money right now, and not nearly enough hours in the near future, so that sort of bonding is a bit uncommon for us. Oddly enough, eating out here is actually cheaper than in Prague. The supermarkets are more, true, but a meal sized kebap or durum is about 2 bucks, and a whole meal can be had for around 4-5 bucks, and that's in the center of downtown... As much as there really is a center, which is not at all.

So, that's my impression of Istanbul so far. However, the city is GODDAMN HUGE, and I have seen so very little of it. And we haven't been to any of the touristy stuff yet. After our Balkan adventure, I didn't really feel like being a tourist for a couple weeks. Just now, we're finally begnning to explore. Unfortunately, we can barely afford the buses... So, my impression could drastically change.

Gotta run; the Turks are starting to line up for their colonization, er, language lessons...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Millions of peaches, peaches for me...

It's official, Emily and I are now REALLY, REALLY FAR AWAY FROM HOME.

Geographically, sure, but spiritually as well. I realized just how far we had gone when I popped into the Migros supermarket and found that the only yoghurt I can find is the plain, goopy, sour kind, in huge paint buckets. No good for breakfast :( Sure, musli is available here, but it's like 8 bucks for a little bag. We offically have no idea how to shop here! Everything Turkish is dirt cheap, and everything "western" is either completely absent or more expensive than a reasonably well-done sex-change operation in the back alleys of Istiklal Caddesı.

You know, I suppose the biggest shock has been that although we're in a city of about 15 million Muslims (calm down, my American friends, they're friendly savages), I can get a six pack of beer and go to the erotic shop, while Emily can walk around in Taksim square in a miniskirt (not that she ever would), and no one will bat an eyelash. Of course, it's amazing some of the things we can't do. Apparently, it's a state crime to insult Ataturk, the founder of modern Turkey. By the way, I found that out by telling my head teacher how creepy looking he was. Whoops! It's also a state crime to insult the flag. But their flag's really cool, so, no worries there!

During the millilon hour train ride from Bulgaria (where I literally had to beat trendy-looking gypsy womens' hands out of my pockets), it became very apparent that you should never, ever, ever eat anything in Bulgaria. Ever. After some sketchy looking cheesy bread, I spent the entire train ride, and my entire first day in Istanbul, vomiting up a liquid whose color does not occur in nature. Emily found some pills for me here that seemed to help, but made my urine look like orange juice. I have never before reacted adversely to a region's cuisine (except England's, but that was more of an moral protest "My god, how can people really enjoy this crap?"), but Bulgaria and Turkey have united their powers to prove my digestive tract a sniveling little wussy. In fact, I'm convinced that they sprinkle some sort of sickness-dust on everything in Bulgaria. I spent the whole day today clutching my stomach because I ate some peanuts I got there... Peanuts!

So, we've been here for just a couple days now, checking out the school, resting, and pointedly not doing anything touristy. After 2 weeks of the hassle that is the Balkan countries, I really just want to sleep and drink tea. Oh, the tea here is fanstastic. Apparently by the sounds drifting up to our bedroom window (we live just off of the busiest street in Istanbul), the only thing Turks do for fun is drink tea and play backgammon.

One of the greatest benefits of working at English Time is that we get as much free tea as we want while we're at work. They are going to regret that. I promise. The one thing that's going to kill us is the commute. To get to work, Em and I have to walk 15 minutes to the world's smallest metro (500 meters), take it down the hill, walk another 5 minutes to the ferry port, take a boat FROM EUROPE TO FREAKING ASIA, then walk another 5 minutes to work. That comes to about 2 hours commuting per day, as well as like 6 dollars in tickets. Plus, on most days, we'll be working split shifts, which means that between about 2 and 6, we will have nothing to do but walk up and down the streets, bargaining for absurd prices for things we don't really need, and have to then carry home. Or, we can just drink tea for hours. :) Yeah, they're going to regret that.

Forever your sandpaper on the ass of humanity,

Aaron Rotsinger

Friday, September 02, 2005

Facing East

Well, I'm pleased to say that I haven't come across a single angry donkey yet on this trip. All the donkeys that we have met have been very friendly, well fed, and safely stabled on lovely, if boring, islands. In fact, we haven't had any problems with the wildlife here in the Balkans, although they have had some problems with us. Did you know that if you rip a lizard's tail off, it keeps writhing around for about 15 minutes? Well, we found that out. Oh, and we started a kitten revolution here in Sarajevo. Hopefully, however, this revolution will be more peaceful than the last.

Sarajevo is an interesting city. Truthfully, I came here for the thrill of exploring a recently war-torn capital, but instead, my three days here were much more leisurely than I would have thought. Emily and I have been strolling around the charming, though not quite fully reconstructed, city, stopping for Bosnian coffee practically everywhere: in front of churches, synagogues, and mosques; next to shopping malls, supermarkets, and peddler stands; close to skyscrapers, recently-renovated houses, and burned out husks... Sarajevo is fascinating for the way it is pulling itself back together, but it's just as fascinating for its diversity and plethora of experiences.

The Croatian coast, on the other hand, just 50 kilometers away, is less of a mix of Serbs, Croats, and Muslims, as it is a mix of rich Italians, Germans, and French. The beaches are boulders, the beer is more expensive than in the US, and, while the islands are certainly charming, they pale in comparison to the more historic, cheaper and warmer Greek islands.

So, Emily and I are off to eat some orgasmically good Bosnian food and catch a train to Serbia. When we get to Istanbul next week, another post will follow. Until then I hope that everyone is doing as well as I am, and I look forward to hearing from you all... Or, most of you at any rate... Oh, and for those of you that are complaining about the gas prices in the US, just remember that it's $4 a gallon here, and has been for years. You don't know how good you had it.